Tools for Managing Road Rage

As a therapy practice that specializes in stress management and is based in LA, you can imagine the frequency in which road rage is a topic among our clients. And it’s one that is quite complex!

Below find information on why road rage happens, and what to do when you start to feel caught up in it.

Understanding Road Rage

It’s common and completely normal to feel frustrated with another driver on the road. They may be driving in a way that is reckless, dangerous, or inappropriate, or they may even just have a different driving style than you.

The problem is, when we're in our cars and on the road, our options to communicate become extremely limited. We can't use our words, even a well-intentioned honk of the horn often sounds angry, and so people rely on communicating through behavior - speeding, tailgating, hand gestures, and more. Unfortunately this type of communication only tends to escalate conflict and feelings of stress, anger, and defensiveness. 

Feelings of frustration become a problem when we act out of them, rather than simply acknowledging them, or acting on them in ways that are actually effective.

Techniques for Managing Road Rage

Whether you find yourself the target of or frequently subject to your own road rage, there are several strategies that can help you decrease the chances of escalation and more effectively manage the situation.

1. Take A Few Breaths And Don't Escalate

While easier said than done, slowing yourself down and focusing on your own ability to ground and self-regulate will help you from letting your reactions get as out of control as the other driver's. Finding space between a trigger and your response can mean the difference between a moment of frustration and a dangerous encounter. Even just a few deep breaths can activate your parasympathetic nervous system—your body’s natural calming mechanism—helping you stay in control and avoid saying or doing something you might regret.

2. Focus On What’s In Your Control

To help you resist expressing road rage in unhelpful ways, start by asking: What is currently in your control?

Is the driver going too slowly? Calmly navigate around them. Is the driver going too fast? Calmly remove yourself, perhaps to a different lane.

Next, identify and let go of that which is out of your control - including the other driver's driving style. 

Realistically, becoming reactive is not going to change how the other person drives. In fact, it almost always has the opposite effect! So it's important to get clear on what choice you make is actually going to be effective.

3. Imagine What The Other Driver Might Be Going Through

Not only do conditions on the road inherently create stress (think traffic, long commutes, different driving styles, etc.), but sometimes it’s helpful to think of an even more extreme example to help tap into your natural compassion. For example, perhaps someone's loved one is sick or in the hospital. Perhaps they just got laid off. Whether the story is true or not, it reminds us that we're all navigating something. If this person's only recourse is to act out through their behavior on the road, then maybe there's an opportunity to find some sympathy for that.

4. Imagine The Other Driver As A Child

This might sound funny, but if we think about the central challenge of communication on the road, it's really not that dissimilar from the intense frustration a toddler experiences when they can't yet effectively communicate their needs! Whether this helps you to find a sense of empathy or a sense of silliness in the situation, it can help to shift our perspective and expectations, and make it easier to let go.

5. Dive Deeper Into Your Own Reaction

Lastly, one more thing you can do when feelings of road rage start to rise is to check in with what's really underneath the surface for you.

We call this technique the "Anger Iceberg," as a single triggering event or feeling is often reflective of deeper things going on in our lives — why the road often becomes a place in which we act out much more than just what's happening on the road!

Things you can ask yourself include:

• What feeling is this bringing up for me?

• Where else am I feeling this in my life?

Perhaps it's feeling rushed, stressed and pressured, where the root of the problem is actually coming from your job. Or perhaps it's about feeling bullied, which connects to early childhood experiences, a current boss, or other significant relationship. Working through these underlying issues through therapy, for example, will go a long way in helping reduce the intensity of triggers on the road.

At the end of the day, being the target of road rage or reckless driving is never ok. It's unsafe, and even a form of bullying and intimidation.

You never have to endorse or excuse other people's behavior on the road. But what you can still always be responsible for is your own!