How to set better goals
Goals are incredibly important: they give us a sense of purpose and direction, they reflect our unique sense of identity, and they help us to grow and achieve tangible progress throughout life.
We’ve all heard of SMART goals (more below), which can help with our execution. But how do we know if we’re even aiming toward the right goalpost? Many of us have experienced the letdown that comes after achieving a major goal we worked tirelessly toward, only to find that perhaps it wasn’t the right goal after all.
Below we’ll explore what the research says, as well as offer tangible tips for creating the goals that are better from the very start, all the way to the follow-through.
The (Almost) Ultimate Goal Checklist:
Defining Good Goals
Not all goals are created equal. Some goals are inherently more fulfilling than others - for example, research by psychologist Robert Emmons shows that goals related to intimacy (relationships), generativity (contributions toward the next generation) and spirituality are most highly related to well-being. Research even shows that the act of pursuing a goal is just as, if not more, important than attaining the goal itself!
When you are setting a goal (or even making a major decision), consider the following questions:
Is it intrinsically or extrinsically motivated?
Research shows that extrinsic goals, such as financial success, social recognition, and physical attractiveness are negatively related to well-being, and positively associated with anxiety, depression and more. This has led some researchers to refer to our emphasis on fame, fortune and success the “dark side of the American dream.” On the other hand, intrinsic goals, such as personal growth and community contribution are positively associated with subjective well-being.
Application: Ask yourself if your goal is for you, or if they’re based on someone else’s standard for success.
Is it authentic?
Everyone is unique, and so personal goals should be equally unique. Does your goal align with your core values and the person you want to be? When we pursue goals that feel disconnected from our authentic selves—perhaps because they’re influenced by external pressures, societal expectations, or a desire to please others—we risk feeling unfulfilled, even if we succeed.
Application: Ask yourself if if pursuing this goal would make you feel more like yourself, or less.
Is it approach or avoidance-oriented?
Oftentimes we choose a path to simply avoid negative consequences (think: fear of failure, rejection, judgment), rather than actively approaching that which we love or desire. Even the goal to lose weight is just a nicer way of saying you’re avoiding a certain body type. Instead, set your goals up to be positive and approach-oriented, such as to be strong and healthy, or to face your fear of public speaking.
Application: Reframe your goal in a positive, approach-oriented way.
Is it harmonious with your other goals?
This can actually be a bit tricky as often our goals come into conflict with on another. Take for example, the goal of being a fully-present parent alongside working late in pursuit of the goal of making partner at the firm. While some sacrifices are often unavoidable, it’s an important filter to run your goals through to prioritize those which are most important to you, and to intentionally organize them so they work well and build momentum together.
Application: Identify where goals are in conflict, and prioritize as needed.
Is it flexible?
One of life’s simple truths is that you will always know less than future you. As you pursue your goals and experiment, new information will inevitably come in, and you may find that it changes your perspective. Over time you will more likely than not want to change or adapt your goals. Not only is this ok, but it’s an essential part of life and growth! We won’t always be able to avoid the challenges of pivoting and recalibrating our paths, so the most we can do is plan for it and keep our goals and their outcomes as flexible as we can given the circumstances.
Application: Consider ways to add inherent flexibility to your goal.
Is it activity-focused?
In the same way the pursuit of a goal can be just as important as achieving the goal itself, goals that are more activity-focused tend to be more intrinsically motivating and self-reinforcing because they are less susceptible to hedonic adaptation (returning to baseline after change). While it might sound trite, reminding yourself that it’s the journey rather than the destination can be one of the most important aspects to your goal (you will be spending significantly more time pursuing it that “achieving it” after all!)
Application: Ask yourself how the process of pursuing this goal is critical to your well-being.
Making a Plan
Once you have an overarching goal, the next step is to break it down into smaller and more tangible goals. Consider these “baby goals.” Not only will this help you make a plan to reach your larger goal, but continuously accomplishing quicker and more manageable goals along the way can significantly boost your motivation and feelings of competence to keep going.
SMART Goals
You may already be familiar with the SMART goal model, but if you’re not, it’s a proven framework for setting goals that are both clear and actionable. SMART stands for:
Specific: Clearly define your goal. What exactly do you want to achieve?
Measurable: Identify how you’ll track your progress and know when you’ve succeeded.
Achievable: Ensure your goal is realistic and within reach, given your resources and constraints.
Relevant: Align your goal with your broader values and priorities.
Timely: Set a clear deadline to create a sense of urgency and focus.
By using the SMART model, you can break down abstract aspirations into actionable steps. This method not only helps you clarify your intentions but also provides a roadmap for turning your ideas into tangible results. Whether you're looking to strengthen relationships, grow in your career, or simply build healthier habits, SMART goals offer a practical approach to success.
Increasing Your Chances of Success
Finally, just as important as the goal itself, is our belief in our ability to achieve it. Psychologists call this self-efficacy.
While you may not be able to just positive-think yourself into a new car, it is true that our beliefs have a direct impact our behavior. For example, if we believe we can do something, we will try. If we believe we can’t, we won’t.
While not necessarily a small task, there are several ways psychologists have studied how self-efficacy can develop (in order of most to least effective):
Sources of Self-Efficacy:
Mastery Experiences - Confidence from past performance and success.
Application: Break down your goals into very small and achievable goals to build confidence and momentum.
Vicarious Experiences - Seeing others like you succeed.
Application: Find look to other role models, mentors, and examples of success you can emulate.
Social Persuasion - Positive feedback from others.
Application: Surround yourself with those who build you up (“It’s so brave of you to take that risk! How can I help?”), rather than take you down (“Remember the last time you tried to start a side hustle?”).
Psychological Response - You are more likely to believe you will succeed if you are in a good mood than in a bad one.
Application: Intentionally create the conditions to put yourself in the right headspace when defining and pursuing your goals.
Self-efficacy, or the confidence in your ability to achieve goals even in the face of challenges, can be important to nurture even before defining your goals because it can make a huge difference in how high you aim in the first place.